We all know that overwhelming feeling of not knowing where to start, how you’re going to get everything done, or just generally feeling out of your depth. This is such a common feeling when wedding planning. There’s a lot which goes into a wedding, and most of the time it’s not a repeat activity, so you don’t get any practice. There are often worries surrounding paying for the damn thing too, adding another layer of apprehension. Oh, and if you’re getting through your planning without any family drama, you’re extremely lucky. So here are some tips and techniques on how to stay chill and not end up like that pic of Kim K. Even when everyone is really getting on your tits.
Don’t let your perfection overrule you
Pinterest, Instagram, magazines etc are creating an unhealthy need for perfection within the wedding industry. In reality, most of the “real weddings” you see are shoots, and you’ve been fooled into thinking that’s what you should do. It’s SO unhealthy.
Media platforms are great to take inspiration from, but just inspiration. Don’t pressure yourself to mirror it. And if it’s people on facebook you’re comparing yourself to, you don’t know what life the people behind the images have in reality. Maybe they live in a council funded house, don’t have a car and struggle to get by, but their parents have given them 40k to get married. Or maybe they didn’t spend 40k on their wedding, so they can start their married life stress free, not worried about money, and being able to afford date night once a week.
Only you know your own priorities, and it’s not up to anyone else to decide that for you. This is your wedding, not a Pinterest shoot.
I know quite a few people who feel like their weddings guests are going to expect their wedding to be phenomenal. In reality I don’t think anyone expects anything. And if they do, it’s probably based on the fact that you have a beautiful house, dress really well, or something along those lines. They have faith in you to produce something amazing (whatever that means to you), and you should have that faith in yourself too. Do ask yourself if you have any evidence for your thoughts. For example, if you think you’re Mum think it’s going to be a shambles, what evidence do you have of that? Has she said something? Or is it something your mind has misinterpreted?
On a scale of zero to death…
How important is it? How important is it that your font is wrong on a scale of zero to death? In reality, not at all. This is a great technique to help you remain grounded. There might be some things which for you are closer to the death end of the scale, like if your perfect dress is destroyed. You’re allowed to be upset by that. But try to keep perspective on the smaller matters. Getting panicky won’t help you.
Remember a wedding is the start of your marriage, not just a wedding
I am a wedding planner and I know that means I should think wedding are the most important things in the world. However, I don’t. Yes, it is lovely to have an amazing celebration which sends you off into your married lives, but it is also the start of your lives together. If you’re doing this so you can have a wedding, I’m sorry but you’re here for the wrong reason. Try to remember this if things aren’t quite going your way. It’s what really counts.
Include personal touches to make it feel like your wedding, not “a wedding”
To take away the stress of wedding planning, remembers its yours. It your decision how you want the flowers to look. It’s your decision to not have a seating plan. It’s your decision to have baby photos on the wall. It’s not A wedding, its YOUR wedding. Do it your way, make your own traditions, and do what you think is right. I’m going to stop now as this is sounding a bit like the opening scene from Train Spotting.
Don’t forget about your partner
Now I know most of the time it’s like that scene from friends where Moncia is showing Chandler pics of flowers (meme below for those of you who don’t have the 10 seasons in your head). It should be fun for both of you, ask them questions too. To avoid tension and arguments, ask their opinion and try to be genuinely interested in their answer. Take what they have to say on board, and if you disagree, come to a compromise. If you want everything your way, then you should probably be having a party for you, not a wedding.
It’s one day out of your life, 24 hours.
It’s an important day but it’s still one day. Remember this while you’re making decisions, it will help you remain level headed. Once those 24 hours are over, you’re left with the photos and the memories. You don’t get the thousands of pounds you’ve spent back, so make sure you’re spending where it counts. I can’t imagine anything worse than regretting splurging on something. HOWEVER (and this is just as important) you never want to look back and think “I wish I did that”. Only you can find the balance.
Save the link to this post, and have a read when you’re in the midst of wedding panic. I promise it will help. All of these tips have been suggested by an actual real life therapist. So it’s good legit stuff. If you want to hear more, check out The Wedding People episode 13: Managing Stress and Wedding Planning Emotions. Here’s the link, or search The Wedding People on Podcasts or Spotify.